I'm for You
by Scribe of Turesa
Summary: Years after a bullet is taken for Raph they finally dare to enter the room...
1. Chapter 1:Dreams and Memories

**Chapter 1: Dreams and Memories**

_Shouts, screamed orders, gunfire, lead, copper, red water…blood…smell of fear and death…agonized screams…terror…silence…a grave…a tree…two swords…blue…sorrow, calm, gentle…grief…loss of a brother…_

Raph jerked upright in his bed and clutched his plastron over his heart. He shuttered and looked away, tears forming.

"If only it was a dream," he whispered, hastily wiping the tears away.

"Raphie?" Mike coaxed softly, "you ok?"

Raph looked toward the orange banded turtle and then away.

"I'm fine Mike…just go back to bed," Raph hissed.

"You know he doesn't hate you right?" Mike whispered.

"Who?" Raph muttered.

"Sensei…he misses you…" Mike murmured, pausing in the doorway.

"I'm the reason Leo's dead…of course he hates me," Raph snapped, rolling over and hunching tight, tears starting as Mike closed the door and left.

_*FLASHBACK*_

"_Why do you always have to argue Raph?" Leo shouted, "I'm trying to help you!"_

"_I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP __**FEARLESS**__!" Raph shouted back, eyes blazing, "quit trying to be perfect for once and just shut up."_

_Leo stood very still and closed his eyes after a moment._

"_Master Splinter worries about you being out so much," Leo whispered._

"_So what?" Raph shorted, glaring at his brother._

"_Come home…at least have dinner with us. We miss you. __**I**__ miss having you around," Leo coaxed._

_Raph raised an eye ridge._

"_Why? Because you're tired of bossing Mike and Don around?" Raph growled._

"_No…honestly it's boring without you around…plus Mike won't stop trying to pull a prank on me," Leo muttered, leaning against the brick wall as he sighed and crossed his arms over his plastron._

_Raph remained still for a second and then started laughing, slowly sinking to the ground and shaking his head._

"_You're a pathetic liar bro," Raph finally managed, "the boring part…the part with the pranks is probably true."_

_Leo snorted and shook his head._

"_So are you coming home?" Leo chuckled, offering Raph a hand._

"_Yeah I guess I can…" Raph chuckled, playfully shoving Leo when he stood._

_Leo shoved back before taking off at a light sprint. Raph jogged after him._

"_Come on you slow poke!" Leo teased._

_Raph growled and with a laugh chased after Leo at a full sprint._

_The two dodged and weaved, laughing as they played a game of tag back to the main manhole cover that would bring them close to home._

_As they dropped into the alley without looking around they suddenly found themselves dodging bullets as gunfire erupted around them._

_Raph engaged the punks and managed to take a few down before he found himself suddenly sprawling. He struggled to his feet and froze when he heard the click of the gun above him._

_It happened too fast to gather, one second the gun was pointed at him the next he saw Leo crumple beside him._

"_LEOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Raph screamed. _

_Fighting like a mad man he felled the remaining punks and turned back to his coughing brother. _

_Leo half-sat, half-lay on the cement, struggling to sit up as he coughed and clutched his chest._

_Raph tried to lift him and stopped as Leo shook his head._

"_T-ta-take c-care of t-them," Leo coughed out, shuddering and growing still as Raph held him._

"_NO LEO! NO!" Raph plead, sobbign as Leo's body sagged and began to cool._

_Sobbing hysterically he had brought Leo home, laying the limp body in his bed, Leo's room…Leo's bed._

_He deserved to die in his own bed…but he was already gone._

_Mike's screams when he found them, Raph soaked, Leo still, Don's wails moments later and Master Splinter's heart wrenching sobs as he gathered his eldest and simply wept._

_They had buried him underneath the great Oak tree out at the farmhouse…_

_END FLASHBACK_

Raph shook his head.

"It's been three years anyway," Raph whispered, suddenly realizing he was standing in front of his brother's room, Leo's old room.

It had been locked ever since, no one had touched it, moved anything, cleaned it, nothing. It had been closed up in an attempt not to remember the grief of that night.

For some reason though, it just felt like time to go in.

Raph nervously touched the door knob and then, with trembling fingers he pushed the door open and stared into the dark room before taking a deep breath and walking in.

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	2. Chapter 2:Remember Me

**Chapter 2: Remember Me**

"_Ever wondered if you were going to die? Ever felt like it was going to be today?" Leo asked Master Splinter as they drank their morning tea._

"_Many times, and yet something has always changed the outcome," Master Splinter replied._

"_I feel it…Sensei…I won't live to see my twentieth birthday…I just know," Leo whispered, glancing down at his tea._

"_Do not talk of such things my son. Don't dwell on such thoughts. You are young and strong, you will live to be an old man," Master Splinter chided. _

"_Of course Sensei," Leo whispered before standing and bowing as he turned to place his cup in the sink._

_~*~_

Raph stood still, staring into the dark room, remembering the brother that had once snapped at them for entering it. Slowly he reached along the wall, pausing as he felt the light switch, waiting, waiting for that famous "What are you doing?" from Leo.

Then, slowly he flicked the light on and stood blinking as he stared at the wall facing him.

There in his brother's handwriting were painted these words:

_Remember me,_

_Remember me when you feel your heart fail, the wind blows cold, and the world seems to have passed you by…_

_I'll still be there in the end, a shadow may take the strangest forms, the world my seem to fade, but I am there, I will always watch out for those I love…_

_Remember me as the brother not simply the leader…_

_Remember me as the closet writer, poet, and artist…_

_Remember me as the watchful guardian…_

_Take note of the dreams that lay scattered across this room and remember…_

_That I…_

_I am Leonardo._

Raph walked over and touched the lettering, a single tear streaming down his cheek, that night none of them had even looked around the forbidden room, they had simply wept as Leo lay still. Now as he looked around he saw the painted murals, simple, but full of meaning, meant to be seen and thought about, not gawked over. Designed not to be seen unless they are being looked for.

The code of Bushido was above Leo's bed in Kanji. Haiku littered the walls some in Romanji (western writing) others in kanji. Rough sketches adorned the walls of…them…them doing katas, laughing, simply standing together. The main mural though consisted of a landscape that could only be Japan, the mountains and mists of the Ancient One's home. Then it seemed to melt into the jungle's of South America, jaguars crept along the branches, birds fluttered across the painted sky and a faint sunset glimmered through the trees.

Everything was painted in sepia tones, meant to blend with the tan walls at first glance. Then Raph saw it the stack of papers held together by colored ribbons and felt himself freeze.

"Raph? What are you…woah…" Don's voice trailed off as he stopped halfway into the room and saw it for what it was.

Raph slowly turned toward Leo's bed, the sheets had been cleaned and returned before the room had been shut up, but even so they bore the tail-tell signs of being stained by their master's blood. A faint trace, just barely there.

A soft beep alerted both of them to the computer on Leo's desk, a small, battered laptop. It had been Don's first salvage job, he had supposedly thrown it away after April helped him upgrade to a new laptop, apparently Leo had found it and made use of it.

The top was closed, but still…somehow they knew that they needed to open it.

"I'll call April and Casey," Don whispered.

Raph nodded and turned slowly to exit the room after Don, he paused momentarily when the faint sent of orchids, lotus blooms, and sandal wood flittered through his nostrils.

"Leo," he whispered, turning, half hoping to catch a glimpse of his brother.

Then he turned and for the first time in three years he walked into his father's room, knelt before him and waited.

"Raphael," Master Splinter coaxed as he gently lifted his son's chin and sought his son's gaze.

"It's time…to…Leo want's to show us something…his room…there are clues everywhere…I think he left us something," Raph whispered.

Master Splinter placed a hand on Raph's shoulder and sighed.

"He always looked after us didn't he?" Master Splinter whispered.

Raph managed a slight nod.

Two hours later the small family stood within Leo's room as Raph slowly opened the computer. A simple message popped onto the screen.

_Read the letters first, then hit enter…learned a few things from you Don…thanks…_

Don sniffed and hastily wiped a tear away. Raph turned and lifted the ribbon bound papers and turned to hand them out.

_Master Splinter,_

_Please don't ask yourself how things could have been different, the day I asked you about death, I knew I didn't have long. I simply knew. So here I write a few things, left you all a message and hope you can learn to remain the family I loved. Mikey has nightmares, he might need someone to talk to after…what ever happens. Don needs pulling out of his lab from time to time, encourage him to eat, sometimes he forgets to. Tell Raph that he, he is still the passion of this family and I expect him to remain that way._

_But to you Sensei I simply ask you to be strong for them, read my journal and the writings I've done, if you want, I'd ask you'd even frame a few of my artworks, but you don't have to. It's your choice._

_My only true request is that my room not be locked, that my brothers would be allowed to come in here if they seek comfort from anything. I may be gone in body but I will do my best to still watch over all of you._

_Thank you Sensei for everything you've taught me, for being the best father anyone could ask for._

_-Leonardo._

_Raphael,_

_Quick moping around and bring life back to this family. I leave to you the role of the leader and big brother. it's a heavy burden to carry but I know you can do it. Let Mike come in when he has his nightmares, sometimes all he needs is to be held. Make sure Don finishes the new inventions he starts, and eats for that matter._

_Please for the love of all things alive don't put yourself in danger just to avenge me. I'll have to haunt you or something. Make sure Master Splinter drinks the special tea I make him, it helps with his arthritis and such. The recipe is at the bottom. Do me a favor and light the candles for me in the dojo every morning and blow them out before you go to bed. _

_Love you bro,_

_-Leo._

_Donatello,_

_Quit avoiding everyone. I mean it. Even if no one understand what you're talking about, tell them. Trust me, they'll still listen. Feed the birds for me in central park, replant the orchids in the flower bed by the pond. Make something that explodes for goodness sake. Anything…as long as no one gets hurt in the process. There's a journal for you under my bed, use it. _

_Remember to keep learning and exploring. Its not you if you don't do so. Trust me on this bro, try the tea recipe at the bottom, I'm pretty sure you'll like it as much as coffee, maybe more so (I can hope right?). Stand firm when Raph gets upset, he won't back down if you constantly duck and avoid him. He doesn't mean to bully, that's just how he is. For everyone else's sake please teach Mikey some sort of lesson on not blowing things up or not touching things. Take it easy, be you, and don't hide._

_Love ya' bro,_

_-Leo._

_Michaelangelo,_

_Stay the joy of this family, keep them laughing. I ask that you convince Master Splinter to let you get another cat, personally I miss Klunk and I know you do. Try not to make Raph mad just for the sake of it, but make them laugh Mike, for me, make them laugh. Don't dwell over what happened, what ever it was, just keep the joy alive around you._

_Never grow up, don't lose the childlike innocence that kept me smiling. Read your comics and play your games but know when its time to be an adult, that I know you can do so. Show everyone the way back from despair and grief bro…please give them joy again. There are a stack of comics under my bed for you, and a box full of some art supplies, take care of them and use them._

_Love ya' bro,_

_-Leo._

Raph sat still as the other finished and looked nervously at the computer.

They all looked at him as he waited, at each of their nods he prepared to press the button. Then with a deep sigh he pressed it and waited as the computer hummed to life and music started up.

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	3. Chapter 3: I'm for You

******_**I'm for You**_** is by Toby Mac.**

**Chapter 3: I'm for You**

_Tell me where its hurting_

_Are you burning?_

_Running just to catch your breath?_

_And going nowhere_

_It's getting old when you feel like you got nothing left_

_Well it ain't over 'til it's over_

_I told you since the day we met_

_So let me be the voice through all the noise_

_Whatever I gotta be_

_I'll be for you_

_Whatever you need from me_

_To see you through_

_Everyone of us has stumbled_

_Everybody's humbled_

_We hit the ground and our lives crumble_

_Whatever I gotta be_

_I'll be for you_

_I'm for you_

_If you never knew_

_If you never knew_

_I'm for you_

_You know it's true_

_I know the feeling_

_I know it's real when the drama's all in your face_

_You see a mountain I hear a promise – it's never more than we can take_

_Well it ain't over, 'til it's over_

_We can learn from our mistakes_

_So let me be the voice through all the noise_

_Everyone of us will fall_

_Have our backs against the wall_

_And everyone shares a need to be loved_

_You've always been for me_

_So I will be for you_

_That's just what it means to love_

As the music ended Leo's image appeared on screen.

"Hey guys," Leo said softly.

They all sniffed and fought sobs.

Leo shifted forward and rested his clasped hands on his knees.

"I'm not sure how it'll happen or why, but I don't care about that…just know that I love you all. The letters I left for you will tell you all the stuff that needs to be said, but this video…is just to remind you that…I'm there still, that I love you," Leo told them.

His golden brown eyes locked with theirs as the screen faded out.

Images flicked onto the screen, pictures and short video clips of them all goofing off, arguing, laughing, Leo glaring as he shook his himself off from being soaked as Mikey laughed hysterically. Other things, little things, a picture of Don sprawled over his desk as Leo gently tried to wake him.

Master Splinter meditating in the dojo as coils of smoke rippled upward. Raph caught in shadow as he was performing a Kata. Raph watching a movie and trying to hide tears. There were a few chuckles at that. Mike setting up a prank and the shocked look when he saw the camera. April leaned over the counter at her shop with a book cradled in one hand, the other lifted up to brush a strand of hair away. Raph and Casey arguing about who got the last cookie.

The music repeated itself as the movie played on, sobs soon made their way out as the family watched the pictures and short clips go by. So many memories locked into that little computer.

Leo appeared one last time a soft, though sad, smile on his face.

"Love ya' guys," Leo whispered, "don't forget me and don't hide in sorrow. Remember I'm always for you."

The screen went dark as Leo held up a peace sign and smiled a little, a single tears trailed down his cheek.

Sobs broke out before Raph pulled Don and Mike to him and they clung together as they all wept.

"We'll remember bro," they got out.

Raph looked up at his father and knew that they were again a family, he had never been hated, but now knew that he had the heart and courage to keep going.

He would watch over all of them.

END.

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